General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars the way they buy computers-but imagine if they did...

If People Bought Cars The Same
                   Way They Bought Computers. . .

  HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
  CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
  HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
  CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
  HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
  CUSTOMER: "I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal
             all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then
             it crashed -- and now it won't even start up!"
  HELPLINE: "I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if you
             misuse the product."
  CUSTOMER: "Misuse it? I was just following this damned manual of    
             yours. It said to make the car go to put the transmission
             in 'D' and press the accelerator pedal. That's exactly what
             I did --now the damn thing's crashed."
  HELPLINE: "Did you read the entire operator's manual before operating
             the car sir?"
  CUSTOMER: "What? Of course I did! I told you I did EVERYTHING the
             manual said and it didn't work!"
  HELPLINE: "Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't crash?"
  CUSTOMER: "How do you do THAT?"
  HELPLINE: "You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's on page 14.
             The pedal next to the accelerator."
  CUSTOMER: "Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read
             this manual you know."
  HELPLINE: "Of course not. What do you expect us to do about it?"
  CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that
             goes fast and won't crash anymore!"
                                            


HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your  car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control,
power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to DRIVE?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"

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